how do i fit?

just watched the brilliant film "everything is illuminated" based on the novel by young jewish author, Jonathan Safran Foer. the film raises some great questions regarding the importance of knowing your story and how you fit into your greater family story- about our need for a sense of belonging or connectedness to history and how an understanding of the past impacts the way we live today. it comes wrapped as an awkward comedy framed within the very tragic intersection of four people, a village, a culture and a dog named "sammy davis jr. jr."

life as dialogue

in light of this week:
"We respond to the moment, but at the same time we respond on its behalf, we answer for it. A newly-created concrete reality has been laid in our arms; we answer for it. A dog has looked at you, you answer for its glance, a child has clutched your hand, you answer for its touch, a host of men moves about you, you answer for thier need." - martin buber, between man and man.

knight, death and the devil

at midnight she said, "how can i trust a God who is deaf to the cries of a mother asking for the protection of her child?" the words from my wife's pillow pounded me into restless sleep last night. monday (april 17th) marked the exact 5 month anniversary of the suicide of my friend todd. as i was on my way to work, my mother called to deliver the heaviest and most horrific piece of news i could have imagined- my 10 yr-old cousin had just died in a freak accident at home. i parked my car at work and clocked in. all day i was surrounded by kids who want to die and i hated them for being alive. i hated todd. i hated God for allowing the death of my cousin, so full of life... and giving life to these kids who want to die... i arrived home and held my son and wept.
the next morning, we had breakfast with todd's parents who were in town. my aunt and uncle were large in the room as we spoke of loss, healing and meaning in tradgedy. both todd and benjamin died in hangings... but hangings of very different kinds- one a suicide, one an accident, both a fucking tragedy. this is not the way things are supposed to be...
i'm not sure if i should post this, oh well. help me God...

easter weekend... i believe, again.

"progress"

three years ago today this iconic photograph of american triumphalism was taken in bagdad. three years later, many of us are wondering "what the hell is going on?"
my intention is not to raise an overdebated hot issue, but just to mark this day in memory and juxtapose it with the other event that is remembered today: palm sunday.
if you have time, read through this thoughtful essay a prof of mine wrote: Christian Reflections on War.
here's a quote fom it- "Many Christians in the United States seem to have confused Caesar and Christ. We seem to have confused a kingdom of this world—our nation—with the Kingdom of God. The will and interests of our nation have become conflated with the will and values of God."

sad red moon dog dream

durring the last 2 months, i've had a re-occuring dream (first in sleep and then while awake)- many times over. i kept seeing a picture of a sad, red, thin, slouchy dog walking on the snow in the moonlight with a big dark tree behind it.
i couldn't get it out of my mind so i finally painted it tonight. i have no idea what it means.
and perhaps it has nothing to do with me and means something to you. any shots at interpretation out there?
image copyright: phil nellis, 2006.