It's been almost ten years since I shaved these cheeks.

the season of "bright sadness"

yesterday was ash wednesday on the western church's calendar and marked the beginning of the season of lent. having come from traditions that didn't mark the calendar beyond christmas and easter, my wife and i have over the last five years had desire to make meaning and tradition around such rhythms. lent is often referred to as "spring time of the soul" but this year i connect more with the orthodox way of describing it as the season of "bright sadness." this phrase holds the tensions well of what it means to name death and have hope. of what it means for me to be struggling with depression a profound sense of disconnect with my heart while at the same time to be expecting the birth of our 3rd child and the conclusion of what has felt like an eternal masters degree program- both occurring shortly after easter this year.
the 40 days is evocative of israel's time wandering in the desert. more directly it is a practice in reference to Christ's period of fasting and temptation in the desert. if anything is to be said about deserts- and ask any desert fathers or mothers you know- is that they are the beginning place for spiritual formation and direction. it was a place for israel and Christ himself to bring into practice a full dependence on the Father.
in efforts to return to moderation, i've given up coffee, sugar and music amongst other things over the years. the presence of desire is supposed to be re-directed to focus on God. what i love is that grace is built into the lenten rhythm- the sundays don't count in the 40 days, and are to be celebrated as mini-easters, feast days where fasts can be broken- they are pauses or windows in time. (if you intend to fast somehow, meredith, a friend and former classmate who now pastors on the east coast, recently wrote this brief and helpful article on fasting, full of good reminders.)
i rarely blog this many words, but all this to say that this year, in a way that feels more true that other years, i can say that i need what lent offers- and i hope to enter it in community with a degree of intentionality my life has been laking of late. how will you mark lent this year? how will you anticipate, remember and live into the narrative of holy week?

Grünewald Guild

our faith community did a "love experiment" this fall- we linked groups of people up in a chain where you receive an act of love and in turn give to the next person. these acts were intended to be extravagant and intentional with the hope of fostering an ethos of love in the community. it ran the danger of feeling contrived, but i guess anything can be if people aren't engaged in the idea. well, it turned out in my group that everyone got really into it.












i had the gift of receiving an amazing weekend away at the Grünewald Guild, an artist retreat center nested in the cascade mountains, in the Leavenworth area (the place is amazing: staffed by angels practicing the hospitality of heaven). our friend hannah worked hard with ruth to set the whole thing up without me knowing and timing it for the weekend after finals. on my way out i pondered why it was that being out amongst the trees in nature is so profoundly centering for me and many others. the simple thought that followed was simply because trees don't handle life the way i handle life. so i decided to put ink to that concept while i was up in the woods: what would it look like to see trees handling life the way i handle life? it was a playful and reflective way to contemplate my unhealthy patterns of relating to self and others- patterns that lead me to places of desperately needing to retreat into the woods to recollect amongst the trees.








"differentiation", "self harm", "anxiety" & "self care" in the "trees handling life like i handle life" series. copyright, phil nellis: winter 2008 at grünewald guild.